March 27, 2025
In recent history, I had a conversation with two colleagues about our workplace culture that prompted deep thought about the benefits and the detriments of honesty. I don’t mean honesty in a black and white way, nor the connotation with honesty’s opposite, lies. I mean honesty as it denotes a relation to authenticity or genuineness. In framing my thoughts around the benefits and detriments of this type of honesty, I want to emphasize I am not trying to make a statement about the morality of truth versus lies here, but rather attempting to show that regardless of the morality of honesty, it is useful. I emphasize this because there are certainly some people who would say that being honest, or authentic, is a moral prerogative because choosing to be inauthentic is akin to lying. But the point I am aiming at is to ask whether those who view inauthenticity as advantageous, are losing goods they may desire.
To give the question a context, I will try to lay out the general discussion I had with my colleagues. This type of conversation which I reference is a fairly common occurrence, as my workplace has complicated interpersonal dynamics due to the type of work we do. There is a hierarchical distinction between management/upper-level employees and staff, but also between those with certain titles next to their names and those without them. In addition, major age gaps between the experienced lower level employees and the young upper level employees further complicates what the effective distinction is between education and experience.
The dynamics above could be a whole essay on their own, but what really caught my attention in the conversation was the focus on what should be done about the constant interpersonal drama, complaining and gossip about others in the office. Previous attempts to address the issue have been ineffective. These attempts have mainly consisted of large group meetings where we watch an educational video about communication, how to maintain a positive attitude, how to give helpful critiques, and mental health or other personal struggles that may be impacting people in the workplace. These meetings are the equivalent of a lecture, and every employee thinks that the video is referencing someone other than themselves.
I was thinking aloud, brainstorming alternatives to this approach, and suggested to my colleagues that instead of passively watching videos about what to do differently, we could actually act differently and confront the issues that people have with one another. I stated my opinion that in my experience, honesty is usually the best policy. I think that if people are willing to say what is bothering them, and willing to listen to the response, reconciliation and growth could occur. Even if a complaint is misguided, it prompts conversation, hopefully making the person complaining aware of how their thinking is affecting their experience, or how they could act in a different way to solve the issue at hand.
I don’t think it is an overstatement to say that this suggestion shocked my colleagues. One immediately responded, “That will never work.” They continued by arguing “because most of us spend more time in the office than with our families, it’s better to shove down how you’ve been hurt, complain to your office-buddy, and go home at the end of the day.” The point being, if you are open about your thoughts and feelings you will destroy your relationships with the people you have to deal with every day.
My instinctual reaction was to plead, “How could the situation possibly get any worse than it is now?!” I was sad that my colleague was so afraid of destroying relationships that, in my opinion, didn’t even exist.
After some reflection, I think my colleague’s perspective reveals a misguided assumption that the people you work with are not important enough to pursue having a (healthy) relationship with. From their own argument though, you can see that my colleague actually does think that our coworkers are very important. They have a large impact on our everyday experiences, simply as a result of the amount of time we spend with them. But on the other hand, my colleague thinks that because our coworkers have zero impact on their personal life outside of work, they’re not worth being honest or authentic with. What I think many don’t realize is that what happens at work does affect our personal lives. How many people go home at the end of the day and have no patience left for loved ones because of what happened in between the hours of 8am-5pm? How many of us have been affected by a spouse, parent or sibling who treated us poorly after a bad shift at work? What happens at work inevitably affects us and the people we care about.
In our personal and professional lives, many people do exactly what my colleague recommended – swallow your thoughts and feelings. The negative effects of this recommendation outside of work, in a personal relationship for example, are much easier to expose and show this approach to be harmful to both parties. However, in a public context like the workplace, this approach seemingly has more merit, because you don’t know the people in your workplace as well and aren’t certain you can trust them.
I don’t want to argue that everyone should be sharing deeply personal details about themselves with everyone at the water cooler, or feel the need to openly air every passing grievance. But I do think that giving and promoting honest yet appropriate feedback, even when it may hurt to hear, has a much greater likelihood of building the necessary bonds in the workplace that are helpful for employees and employers. Employees are more likely to feel seen and valued for their efforts. Employers will see the benefits in efficiency and employee retention.
The goods that authenticity can offer are greater than the goods of being inauthentic. Inauthenticity may give you some protection, by creating boundaries. And, I think inauthenticity is a symptom of human beings’ affinity for inertia. Unfortunately, our love for the status quo is contrary to another desire of human beings, which is for connection. The reason that the team-building lecture videos in the workplace are ineffective is because all of us at our core have an idea of what a healthy and meaningful relationship should be like, and we know that inauthenticity is directly opposed to meaningful connection.
What I think my coworkers (and all of us) need to confront is the fear of being truly known. I think we are afraid that if people knew what we really thought or felt, we would be attacked, ostracized, belittled, and ignored. The potential pain of being rejected for who you are is enough to keep our mouths shut.
What I want to say to each of them, and to you, is that by hiding your true self from the world, you lose it from within yourself too. Why are so many of us feeling lost today? Why do we feel so isolated? Why do we not know who we are, and where our identity comes from? Because we are out of practice in being authentic and have undervalued the goods of honesty. We are afraid of being known, and afraid to know others.
How do we overcome this fear and reap the benefits of honesty? Start small. When someone asks you how your weekend was, try not to give an automatic reply. When someone asks your opinion about something, try to check the impulse that tells you to give the answer you think they want to hear. Not only will you earn people’s respect and trust if you can give and take feedback well, people might begin to be more honest with you as well. And, you will begin to know yourself better.
For those of you who remain unconvinced by my beneficent and optimistic arguments, I will conclude by referencing a humorous, but not unserious example of why authenticity may be useful to you. In one of my favorite movies, Captain Jack Sparrow says
Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly stupid.
This insight from everyone’s favorite pirate reveals that human beings are often misled by character judgments related to honesty. We know through experience that people who are often dishonest (or inauthentic) will continue to be predictably unpredictable. We know we should set up guards against this sort of behavior, and we know how to. But, what most people do not guard against are those they believe to be honest (authentic). If you are looking to be effective in whatever your goals are in the workplace, consider honesty as a means of disarming your opponents.
For Your Consideration,
Faith Elert
For Your Consideration 
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